Fight through the funky times
I’ve felt really distracted lately when trying to connect with God. Feeling like I could be doing things that are more interesting than reading 1 Kings and 2 Chronicles over and over or sitting and praying for a few minutes. I haven’t been journaling as often as I normally do. It just feels like a funk at the moment. Which kind of bums me out, but I know there are going to be periods of time that reading scripture feels more like checking off a box instead of having a fun story time with your Dad to tell you about all the exciting things that happened “back in the day”. I also know that even in these times, God is still just as willing and ready to spend time with me as He is when I’m consumed by His Word and have more to say to Him.
What’s most important to me in times like this is that no matter how I’m feeling about participating in spiritual disciplines, I still need to spend time in His presence. I still need to seek Him. Just because I’m “not feeling it” doesn’t mean I’m any less desperate for His guidance in doing His will. They’re called spiritual disciplines for a reason. They’re not always easy to get yourself to do, but there’s such value in sticking with them and intentionally seeking God in every day. God doesn’t take any days off, the enemy doesn’t either, so why should we?
For a week or two I’ve been ashamed to be honest with God about how I’ve been feeling, as if He didn’t already know. But since confiding in Him and asking Him for help and wisdom for focus and intentionality, He’s shown me ways I can limit the distractions I bring into my life: cutting down screen time (huge), keeping my space clean, setting intentional times in the day to process thoughts with the Lord, and fasting foods that aren’t great for me, to name a few. I’ve heard many pastors say that the devil will try to distract us as much as possible. We see this happen with Peter when Jesus calls him to come to Him on the water. Peter gets distracted by the sight of the waves, becomes concerned for his life, and takes his eyes off Jesus, which then takes his mind off of the One who has called him to Himself. Off of the One in control of the wind and waves, the One taking care of us in our every step. I, like Peter did, need to keep my eyes and mind on Jesus, especially in the wake of spiritual battles. Legalism will tell you that you have to read the Bible everyday or God won’t love you as much, you won’t be as saved, or you’ll lose your worth. None of those are reasons I feel like I should read the Bible everyday, and they simply aren’t true. I read everyday, even when I don’t want to because I:
Want to be in the presence of my Heavenly Father
Desire to know Him more and more everyday
Love Him and am grateful for His sacrifice
Know that He is worthy of my attention, no matter how long that span may be
Have the freewill to do so
As much as I want to get out of this slump, I know God’s still working with and through me while I power through. I can see Him trying to show me how I’ve grown in my faith even in what I’m writing now. “College Ashlyn” would have let her Bible collect a nice thick layer of dust or some huge life adjustment happen before the next time she’d pick it up. Back then, I’d be more inclined to pick up something else and move on for the sake of entertainment rather than relationship. But that led to me misusing people, time, and things; the gifts that had been given to me. Only by spending intentional time with the Lord have I been able to understand how necessary my relationship with Him is. It has improved every relationship since because I now understand Who calls me and what He has called me to do, and how He has called me to behave and think. For me, reading the Word is a gut check, it’s healthy conviction, an opportunity to reset my mind and heart, and a different, more holy perspective to see life through.
No one is a bad person for not reading their Bible, but EVERYONE will be better for it. And the times I least want to read are the times I need to read the most. Even if my Bible time is only a minute long and only involves one verse, God can use it to impact any amount of time He wants. But I need to give God the time I do have to pour into our relationship as an act of worship and reverence. What works for me is making time to do the thing I don’t really want to do now because I know that I’ll be better off in every aspect of my life going forward than if I hadn’t.
So in the future, when I need to remember God’s goodness, grace, justice, mercy, love, sacrifice, nearness, and holiness, I’m going to look back on the days where I didn’t want to, but read anyway, and be grateful I pushed past the desires of my flesh and adopted the desires of God’s heart as mine, too. Because those words inspired by God will be hidden in my heart and mind, and the battles I fight will be easier with knowledge of my God and Father who produces endurance in me through trials, even in simple (but not always easy) ones like this.
love & be loved,
Ashlyn
