What it’s like to suffer* with Christ:

There are different levels of suffering. Different things that seem worse than others to different people, depending on their situation. It’s subjective, and in a lot of cases, a point of comparison, especially in days where we can see into tiny snippets of the lives of strangers. And as “real” as people have been getting on social media these days, no one shares everything, even while oversharing. There are deep parts of us that we don’t want anyone to touch because of their fragility, and because of our own fragility when it comes to them. There’s wisdom in not sharing everything with everyone for reasons like safety and privacy. That being said, I don’t believe  suffering is best done in private isolation. In fact, that’s where you can be sure the enemy can, and will, target you. Eventually, it’ll come to a point where you’re on your knees begging for help after it’s turned into a monster you know you can’t escape on your own. 

I’ve suffered through a lot of things, and also very few things, like I said it’s subjective. What I feel like I’ve “suffered” through could look like a tropical vacation to others. Most recently, I’ve been suffering through allergies, asthma along with that, and anxiety because of the symptoms/reactions to those things. I have been praying for healing in all of those areas for a long time. Maybe years at this point. Recently, I received a praise report that another person I know of’s allergies had been totally healed. And while I was tempted to feel jealous, hurt, and unheard, I know those are lies, and I know God hears my prayers, too. That doesn’t mean I know I will be healed during this life on earth, but I do know I have received healing in Heaven because my Father has already defeated hell and the grave for me. He has already won! I can walk in that peace and victory today even though I haven’t seen it physically in my body. It can be so uncomfortable and dissatisfying in a society that values convenience and instant results because it goes against the desires of the flesh. Yet, I have hope and faith in this truth. “Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of the things we cannot see.” (Hebrews 11:1 NLT). Therefore:

WE CAN SUFFER WITH HOPE BECAUSE OF THE PROMISES OF GOD AND HIS ETERNAL FAITHFULNESS TO US, HIS CHILDREN.

I need that reminder just about every 10 minutes if I’m being honest. I can be forgetful, just like the Israelites. And God revealed this to me as if He were gently turning my head to shift my focus. Like I said, I’ve been praying for healing for what feels like a long time. “God, please rid me of these allergies and help my body function properly!”, “Father, I know you have power to heal me, if it’s in Your will, please do so!”, “Can you let me know if it’ll be here on earth or in Heaven when You give me my heavenly body?”. These questions are on repeat every time I feel the weight of the struggle, to the point where I broke down crying at my last allergy test. The sweet nurse was wiping my inflamed, itchy, swollen, and oozing (eww sorry) back with an alcohol pad, as the tears of confusion and frustration came. In the same moment I felt disappointment, I also had trust that God would heal me eventually, even if it wasn’t my time yet. And I still trust Him, and I’m working on trusting His timing. While I’m waiting, I’m learning and I know my suffering is currently and will continue to be used to grow me spiritually, as well as help other people get through their own. 

Of course, there are still down days when you feel discouraged and question God. A couple months after that appointment, I went to a women’s conference at my church where the theme was “A New Thing”– it immediately spoke to me, and I was pumped. The second and last day of the conference, I was feeling defeated and dejected having not seen any signs of a new beginning, or at least the one I wanted, in my life. When the speaker got up to do her last talk (hey, Cass!), she actually acknowledged a feeling of sadness in a number of women in the room. She had us stay in a place and posture of worship for the rest of her time with us, and in that God showed me that He HAD healed me from allergies. I had already received the kind of healing I had been asking for. A miracle had already been performed!! 

See, when I was a baby, I was allergic to most things, including the majority of baby formula. I was affected by so many allergies, my entire family tells stories of when my diet consisted of Tums, sweet tea, and Cheetos. Today, PRAISE BE TO GOD, that’s not what my diet is made up of, although I’m still a big fan of Cheetos ;). And because I was so young, and I haven’t had to rely on that trifecta as my diet for all but about 2 years of my existence, this supernatural phenomenon simply felt like normal life. I couldn’t remember anything different, but God could have just as easily not healed my tiny body at that time. This is a true miracle I didn’t acknowledge as one until God reminded me, until He revealed it as such at the perfect time. He is so full of grace to give gentle reminders and speak into our situations specifically. While trying to understand the gravity of the work He had done in my life, I couldn’t help but be grateful and give Him praise and glory. Because He deserves it. Even when I don’t feel like acknowledging it.

Having this brought to my attention was sobering. Humbling on another level. My life could have looked extremely different, limited, and difficult. It gave me a new appreciation and sense of gratitude that I had been blind to in search of the thing I “didn’t” have. This is why perspective and remembrance is so important. As humans, we are prone to forgetfulness. We need reminders of God’s goodness and faithfulness in our past to help educate our present and future. In fact, any time I’ve been worried it’s been because I either forgot what my God has done for me, that He’s still protecting me, or that He will keep protecting me. He only allows what He knows we can endure, and He always gives a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13). In learning this, I’ve come to know HIM as the way of escape. With my mind stayed on Him and His promises, I can have confidence that I can get through to the other side, learning and growing, and getting to know His character more and more along the way. 

Speaking of Christ, it can be so easy to forget the suffering that He went through on our behalf, because of our sin, to save us from it, and to free us as slaves to it. He carried what was ours to bear and endured what we deserved to suffer. His suffering was sacrificial, it carried so great a weight that in distress, knowing exactly what He would have to go through, the Son of God sweated blood. As I’m writing this section, it’s Good Friday, and we remember this day as the day of greatest suffering for Jesus. He was beaten, stripped, flogged, made to wear a crown of thorns, carried the thing He knew He would be murdered on for miles, was nailed through His hands and feet to that cross, His full body weight hanging from them for hours, slowly bleeding out and suffocating as onlookers mocked and denounced Him, as they turned away from the God who created them out of His steadfast and everlasting love for them. But, as He was sweating blood in that garden, He also knew what the greater purpose was. That His children would be saved by His blood being shed, and that His sacrifice would not be in vain, but “for the joy set before Him [He] endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2 ESV). Jesus knows every kind of suffering and is not unempathetic. He is always with us in our pain. He wants to walk with us through it, but we have to first surrender it to Him and allow Him to take the lead. Because He knows all suffering, we can trust that welcoming Him into the battle with us means we’ve already defeated the enemy. And we can have gratitude for God’s provision throughout the struggle and fight because He is working all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them (Romans 8:28). Our Lord and Defender has overcome and is above all other forces of the world., AND He loves you so much that He suffered for you.

There is a lot more to be said on this topic, I’m sure I will touch on it again in the near future. It’s a hard one to broach, but knowing Jesus as our Hope and Peace, and accepting His perfect love has the power to cast out all fear. He has conquered so that we can endure. He offers an abundance of hope to be found. 

love & be loved,

Ashlyn